I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
