'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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