At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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