Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
