we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
