Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
