Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
