ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They are going to name an STD after you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
