After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
