I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
