You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize