I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
