Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize