He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
