Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
