i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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