How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize