I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
