at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He did a backflip because drugs
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
