Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
