I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
