new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
