i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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