I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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