next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
