This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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