I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
