so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
