first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
