His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
