she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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