He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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