I'm going to jail i love you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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