Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
