Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
