I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
