dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
