your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
