i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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