i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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