just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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