Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you inspire me to be a worse person
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
