By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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