he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
