i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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