I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
