I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize