Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
