Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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