so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
