Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
