When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
