Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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