I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize