We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
