I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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