Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
