I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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