Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
