and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
