I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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