Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
