yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
