maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
