Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
