dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found your dick twin last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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