Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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