I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
