Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
