people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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