you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
