i barfeds in our rink
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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