just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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