craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
